


the boy next door

by baekkieony



Series: Different Directions Of Love [8]
Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Death, Drinking, Drug Use, Drugs, I LOVE THIS SHIP TOO MUCH, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sister - Freeform, Someone stop me, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmates, denial in general, denial of being gay, find yourself, girlfriend is random af, i'm not really sorry, maybe jinwoo is sad behind being a sunshine, the boy next door, they're perfect for fucked up stories and i dunno why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 22:06:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11389359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: Nam Taehyun stopped searching for his second soulmate a long time ago, but sometimes love's right there where you didn't expect it to be.





	the boy next door

**Author's Note:**

> hellow ya all. i hope ur fine with me writing trash again lololol. leave feedback, because that's a writers pleasure! feel free to yell at me. enjoy!

_Kim Jinwoo._

Taehyun kept stroking the tattooed name on his left hand. It was not even well written, more shaky and weak, like the ink had given up halfway.

 _Kim Jinwoo_.

Taehyun sighed and went back to work. His girlfriend in the back of the room started screaming again, because the boy from next door had tried to start a conversation with Taehyun again and it seemed like she just found out.

His girlfriend always kept bragging about how much the boy from next door wanted him, so Taehyun had started to ask himself if sexuality really matters so much in society that you can't be yourself. But he kept quiet about all the questions in his head.

Taehyun was mainly silent. Another thing his girlfriend hated about him. It was more like silence was living with her instead of Taehyun. And then this  _annoying_ boy from next door, who kept trying.

Taehyun wished this boy would be Song Minho.

Song Minho didn't want him. Rejected him. Said it wasn't “okay” to be gay. Taehyun didn't even mention that he wanted a relationship, at the first point he only wanted to be his friend. But his soulmate didn't want him. Taehyun had to be fine with it.

And Song Minho was gone, like the name on Taehyun's hand was gone and had changed into someone else's.

He turned the speaker a little bit louder to distract himself from the pain aching in his chest. Soft melting vocals; like bitter sweet chocolate on his tongue. Merely chocolate doesn't have a disgusting aftertaste; in the case of music remains only the bitter silence after the end of the song.

He hadn't ever spoke to the boy next door. Hell, Taehyun didn't even know his name. Taehyun had a girlfriend he loved (or at least pretended to) and a life without a place for “being gay”. Taehyun didn't try to find his new soulmate after the name on his hand had changed from “Song Minho” into “Kim Jinwoo”.

Taehyun barely went out anymore. He worked from home, since there were days when he couldn't find the strength to move only one step away from his bed. Everything brought him down. Drowning in his running thoughts. Slowly running out of breath.

A grab on his desk and the bottle he wanted was reached. A good, old whiskey – maybe stolen from a market – in a golden bottle. It fitted. A deep sip later and his head finally started feeling light, not so heavy with all the thoughts clouding his mind anymore. Sometimes you need to kill your mind a little.

His girlfriend still screamed and Taehyun only wanted to kill himself at the moment. Everything was too loud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one of the days where Taehyun had enough strength to move his ass out of his bed and go to the grocery store for all the things he needed. Sometimes to steal something. These days were rare and Taehyun loved every second of them.

Taehyun learned that he should love every second of the days when he was able to appreciate the beauty of the glowing sun, the singing birds and the blooming flowers. When he saw the butterflies. When his skin was burning in heat through the thick cotton of his hoodie. But there would always be this hanging cloud above his head, ready to drench him in rain again.

And all of his petals were slowly falling.

He ran his hand through his stiff blonde hair, hair dye slowly fading out. He wanted to try something different this time, but he didn't have the energy to choose the colour.

Taehyun made his way into the grocery store and the first thing he saw was his girlfriend kissing another man leaned against one of the many shelves. Taehyun wanted to scream or yell or kick this man in his ass, just do _anything_ , but he never moved.

He hardly searched for jealousy. He thought that it must burn his insides, but he felt something more like relief when he saw them practically eating themselves. He had an excuse, an _excuse_ to _fucking end_ _this_.

He walked calmly into the direction of the couple, waiting right next to them, but they still didn't move. Taehyun got a little impatient and just tipped the man on the shoulder, who interrupted his kiss to glare at him, before wanting to get back straight to kissing again.

But his “girlfriend” stopped the man right away. “TAEHYUN?”, he was sure that the scream could be heard until New York. “Sorry, but I need something from this shelf. Please get another shelf for your lunch”, his voice was icy and he only spoke to man, even though that his girlfriend was eyeing him with eyes wide open.

After getting the instant ramen from the shelf, he shoved the man out of his way to get to the milk. Before he reached the end of the floor, a hand hold him back in place. “Taehyun, it's n-”, turning around, he roughly grabbed her wrist and ripped her hand away from his. “I don't care. Just make sure that you're out of my apartment when I'm back. And you better make yourself sure”.

When he was out of their sight, he didn't know if he wanted to cry or not, but this felt only _right_. _Right, right, right._ The only thing in his life he was sure about that it was a good decision.

When he found the milk in all of their glassy bottles, he wanted to grab one out of the highest shelf, but it came as you thought. The whole shelf went down, with all the glass bottles and the milk and everything. Everything went black for a second and when he could see something again, everything was white instead. Covered. Reminded him of something. He chuckled lowly to himself, internally asking himself if he went crazy now, because it was such an awful timing.

Then raised a voice next to him and he turned his head to see the boy from next door, asking him if he needed help. Taehyun hadn't have the strength to do more than nod and then started to reach for the nearest glassy splitters, quietly deciding if it was a good idea to just cut his veins open with them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Taehyun came back this evening, tired from interacting with people and being with people at all, his apartment were empty. No girlfriend on the sofa, no girlfriend in the bathroom and no girlfriend on his bed. She was gone and he was happy that it had gone smoothly enough to not care about her anymore. Three years wasn't enough time in Taehyun's world to be titled as necessary or worth enough to remember.

It sounded harsh, but Taehyun needed more than just sex he didn't want every second day to love a person, even she had lived with him for two years. They were best friend, – back in the past – childhood friends and they thought that the would fit together. A mostly wrong thought. Taehyun had forced himself into this relationship and she – she didn't want him like Minho hadn't want him.

Taehyun decided to spent his time with licking his wounds and drowning his sorrows in alcohol. A good way to forget.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Taehyun, you need to get your life together!”, Taehyun laughed bitterly at the good-hearted words from his younger sister. “Since when do you care?”, his tone was mocking.

“You only cared about alcohol, drugs and your never ending list of boyfriends. You always did and you always will!”, he saw his sister tearing up, but did he care? Not the slightest.

“I-I know that I made mistakes, but you're not being better! You're twenty-three and you still start drinking when you wake up, so you're drunk until noon. This can't go any further, or I'm going to visit you in hospital someday!”, she never really screamed, but you could hear her voice until Rochester. It made Taehyun bark back and bite at the sensitive spots.

“Well, I learnt from the best tho”, his voice was sharp like a knife and his words cut through her brain and it was like he could literally see her heart bleeding reddish blood. He loved it.

Now tears welled up in her eyes and she quickly went a few steps back when he tried to grab her arm. When he extended his fingers to rip her neatly washed white t-shirt off, proving that she wasn't the angel she was playing, she screamed and slapped his hand away. “D-don't touch me!”, her eyes were read and puffy, voice weak. Taehyun only laughed evil.

“What happened to you? This isn't the brother I know”, she whispered more than she actually said it. Taehyun's eyes went dark when he heard the question and sadness seeded through them, dripping onto the floor and drenching the wood.

“Loneliness happened, Darling”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The search for the endless fun, the ultimate kick was the only thing keeping Taehyun alive. Taehyun still did not try to search for “Kim Jinwoo”, but he kept going out. Yes, only for drinks and one night stands, but he was young and life was short, so he didn't saw the sense behind wasting it to something irrational like _working_.

He focused more on stealing some people's wallets and the chains and rings they wore. He became a good amount of money for this shit and he stopped caring about the illegal aspect a long time ago. He needed money, he needed pills and he also had to pay all his bills, even he paid them mostly completely drunk.

Taehyun laid onto his sofa, legs spread wide, eyes glassy staring at the wall. His mouth was covered with white foam, maybe also saliva, but he was still able to listen to all the things happening around him.

He turned his head, locating a purple, nicely looking pill on the couch table – maybe his last one. Without hesitation, he grabbed it and swallowed it in a whole. He didn't spent a thought to water. He just wanted the happiness to kick in.

“It would be funny if Kim Jinwoo comes now, because he's kinda the reason for all this things”, Taehyun muttered quietly to himself. It would be an embarrassing sight.

Taehyun was sure that if Kim Jinwoo would storm through his door right now, he would quit all this shit and start a better life. He would get a job again and a life.

But it was like always with all the “would”'s. A “would” is not a “will”. And so kept Taehyun going, like life and everybody else had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You look horrible, Nam-ssi”, the boy from next door leaned at the wall, frame only slightly visible on the moonlight. Taehyun looked up, eyes searching for a point where he could fix at, but finding nothing. He ended up with staring at an unimportant point at the wall.

“And who gave you the right to tell me that”, the tone in Taehyun's voice was more than unfriendly, it was a clear sign to leave him alone. But the boy thought otherwise. “I did. But you should really take care of yourself a little bit more. Nobody deserves to look like being straight through hell”.

Taehyun grumbles in annoyance. “Maybe this is what I did. Going through hell”. The boy chuckled. “Yeah, we all did, but we are strong enough to keep on going. You just stopped and decided to throw your life in the trash and I don't like people who do that. There are people who don't have the chance to even go to school and you just take the opportunity of studying and having a happy life and throw it in the trash. There are sure more than thousand people outside who would be happy about your life. So stop whining and make something out of yourself. There are too many people who deserve that life you're living more than you do”, the man finished, gave Taehyun an intensive gaze and went back into his apartment, leaving a completely stunned Taehyun behind, knowing deep inside that the boy was right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What happened”, Taehyun asked a police officer who stood at the door to his neighbours apartment. The “boy next door” apartment. The man turned surprisingly and his face got more serious than it was anyway.

“Are you Nam Taehyun?”, the man seemed a little bit relieved when Taehyun nodded. “Yes, why? Is everything okay?”, he only wanted to know what happened, because he just came back from the grocery store.

“No, not really. His friend found him dead in his apartment this morning”, the man reached into his pocket, searching for something.

“Oh”, was Taehyun's only response, but his pity was limited. Beside the talk one night – okay, it surely had made his situation a thousand times better, but Taehyun blended that out in that moment – they barely even talked. Hell, Taehyun didn't really know this guy, not even his name.

The man finally found what he needed, taking out a block with a pen and a knitted paper.

“He left this letter for you”, the man handled Taehyun the letter and Taehyun only started at him in surprise. “For me?”. “Yes, for you”, Taehyun's eyes widen a bit more – if that was possible. He spent a glance to the thick paper.

_For: Nam Taehyun. From: the boy next door._

More wasn't on the front. Taehyun opened the letter, reading the short sentences. The letter wasn't that long and not even well written, more shaky and weak, like the ink had given up halfway.

_If you just had tried a little bit more and might opened your eyes to finally start seeing, you would have noticed that love was always right in front of you. It often lies directly next to you._

Taehyun turned the paper, looking if there was more on it, but it was blanc on the backside. He raised his head, looking completely stunned. This cryptic words kinda sounded familiar. His glance fell on the police officer, who now held his pencil above the block, ready to take notes.

“Okay, Nam-ssi, can you tell me anything about Kim Jinwoo?”.

_Don't waste your rare time. Never stop searching, because sometimes the thing you're searching for is where you expected it the less._

 


End file.
